2012 - Thank You & Goodnight!

During winter time, as the year begins to take its final breaths and give life to the next, I come to reflect on the 12 months that has passed. And 2012 sure has been a rollercoaster of emotions… good and bad. But mostly good!

As I left 2011, I wasn’t feeling entirely positive about dance. I’d been having a period of self-doubt, a crisis of confidence – about everything. My performances, my ability, my teaching… everything. I’d been to shows, performed and smiled, resented myself, felt like the worst dancer in the room and put way too much pressure on myself. Basically, I burned out – I was performing a lot and I kept pushing myself to produce new work when I was completely lacking in inspiration, and then hating myself for being unable to produce anything; observing the tendency of workshop participants for wanting to be ‘broken’ and knowing that my approach to teaching was not going to fulfill that desire made me feel like I wasn’t good enough to be a teacher of Tribal Fusion.  At the end of 2011, I really was *this* close to throwing it all away. After a year plagued with injury and self-doubt, I was sorely tempted to quit. As I began 2012 I had only Tribal Massive on my calendar (and the event I was hosting with Hilde), and I was asking myself the question – why are you still doing this – why are you persevering with something that is making you so unhappy?

The answer is – I love dance. I can’t imagine my life without dance. When I was told by my physio last summer that the only solution to my knee problem was to quit dance, I cried my eyes out... and then resolved to ignore her advice (and I’m so glad that I did)! And I think some of what I was experiencing was fear. I wanted to start making dance more than just my obsession, yet kept making excuses as to why I couldn’t teach a weekly class, and why I couldn’t commit to dance more (And I still experience this, being months away from submitting a PhD thesis – striking this balance has been a major challenge in my life!).

In January, I had a pep talk from one of my teachers that set me back on a positive path. I set up my weekly classes, I made a dance about the things that were breaking my spirit (with the help of a new inspirational tool – the Dance Spinner – thanks Sam!), and I headed out to Vegas where I came back so much in love with dance again. So inspired to practice, to be better, to work hard and to share everything I had with others, through performance and instruction. Of course, I still battle with demons, but Massive changed me in a way no other dance experience ever has (Amy Sigil and Zoe Jakes had a LOT to do with that!). Being supported throughout the year by the people I respect, little comments that have meant the world and knowing I’m not alone, have helped me push through the self-doubt.

After Vegas I got married to my sweetheart, a very very happy day! And after that, the dance calendar exploded! For someone who wasn’t looking much past March, the year soon filled up! I can’t say that I abandoned all of my insecurities in Vegas. But at least I managed to somehow work through most of them, if not there then over the course of 2012.

It’s funny how different choices that you make throughout your life lead you down different paths. And for me, the funniest thing about this year is making real things that I never even imagined could or would happen to me. When I met Jaana Hansmann in 2010, I never dreamed that we would ever make a dance together, let alone perform it together at several events around the world. Likewise, I never imagined after a fleeting meeting at Raqs Britannia in 2007, that I would call Martina Crowe-Hewett a friend, let alone share stages with her. I will never forget Dan, having nothing else to do, as Raqs B was in Blackpool back then, filmed the dances of performers  on the open stage that he thought I’d like while I spent hours each day in workshops – one of those dancers was Martina. It’s a funny old world isn’t it?

I’ve realised this year, more than any other year, how much community in this dance means to me. In a year when people who I thought were my true friends have walked out of my life, I’ve been incredibly thankful for the friends I have made through dance. I have a great circle of dance friends that I’m close to in the UK, but also dear friends living all over the world. It has amused me to see the surprise at how close our European community is to ‘outsiders’. I see love, respect and inspiration everywhere I go, and I love this so much. It’s such a reassurance to know that, wherever I go, if there’s a bellydancer there then I already have one friend. Sending huge hugs and love to my friends around the world <3

It’s also been a year of change and development – joining Ambrosia after a stint this summer as a guest dancer is amazing! Taking on the added challenge of joining the Gothla UK committee and also the expansion of Infusion Emporium has been both terrifying and rewarding in equal measure! 

Despite being made redundant from my day job, I managed to maintain regular access to dance training that I’m so grateful for. I passed the SSBD Level 1 certification in December. The new inspiration and challenges for my body have been really fun. A thank you to 2012’s teachers – Samantha. Zoe, Amy, Kami, Donna, Olivia, Bozenka, Colleena, Rachel, Mardi, Heather, Morgana, Ozgen, Tjarda, Martina, Mira, Hilde, Anasma, Dawn, Deb, Illan, Giuliana, Carolena and Suhaila.

Exciting things are ahead for 2013. Teaching my weekly class has made me realize just how much I enjoy teaching dance – seeing the development of my students week to week, and the massive changes in their bodies and movement abilities is so rewarding. It’s challenging, of course, to teach when people learn in different ways – but it’s a challenge I’m enjoying so much. And I’m so happy that this renewed passion for teaching has pushed me into new realms – teaching workshops around the UK and abroad on a more regular basis. In 2013, I’m especially looking forward to being a part of the teaching faculty for Tribal Umrah in Marseille. Seriously, when I entered my first bellydance class almost 7 years ago, I never imagined I would ever perform bellydance outside of that class, let alone teach it… to be featured on a line-up of teachers that have helped me to grow as a dancer (Amy Sigil, Sharon Kihara, April Rose…) is just about the biggest honour I could receive. Really, I’m a very lucky girl!

I’m excited to be travelling more next year, meeting new people, visiting new places and hopefully inspiring others and being inspired by others in equal measure. The next Infusion Emporium events that we have planned are going to be great, and I’m excited about teaching new material in my workshops and the planning of new dance performances and collaborations that are coming up. I’ve got some real treasured memories from 2012… it’s been a really amazing year, no doubt about that! 2013 can only be bigger and better!

Below is my calendar for 2013 so far (new stuff is being added all the time, so be sure to check my website!) – I hope to see you out on the road next year - thanks to anyone that came out to a workshop or performance in 2012, your support is so much appreciated! If you are interested in me performing or teaching at your event, please drop me an email – I’d love to come out and dance with you!

Hope to see you in the New Year!

A x

Calendar 

20 January - Special Topic Workshop Series, Wolverhampton - Fluid & Strong

16 March - Performance at April Rose Showcase, Wolverhampton

24 March - Milton Keynes workshop

30 March - Dublin workshop

27 April - Wrexham workshop

5-6 May - Dark CPH Weekend, Copenhagen, Denmark

1 June - Reading workshops

14-16 June -The Tribal Gathering, York

22-28 July -Tribal Umrah Festival, Marseille, France

Recent Videos

Rome - Tribal Fusion Express Show 

Infusion Emporium